Help
These didn't make the cut
So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.
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My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire.
I noticed your cat. Sorry!
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You had your bladder removed and you're on the mend.
Here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.
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Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy.
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Heard your wife left you.
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it.
She moved in with me.
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You totaled your car
And can't remember why.
Could it have been.
That whole case of Bud Dry?
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"Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder: What the hell was I thinking?"
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"Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your wife."
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"How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?"
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"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
After having met you, I've changed my mind."
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"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you."
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"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am
that you're not here to ruin it for me."
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"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!
I never knew what evil was before this!"
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"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go,
Would you like to take this knife out of my back.
You'll probably need it again.
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"Happy Birthday!" You look great for your age...
Almost Lifelike!
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"When we were together,
You always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise."
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"I'm so miserable without you,
It's almost like you're here."
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"You are such a good friend
That if we were on a sinking ship
And there was only one life jacket....
I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."
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"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your Birthday
- so we're having you put to sleep."
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